In Her Own Time Read online

  “Okay, leave it with me, I’ll need an hour to get status reports and the teams on the phone.”

  John only nods before leaving the room. Straight away, I’m on the phone to Gemma instructing her to call the team and get them working on a status report. Explaining to her the urgency and importance to have them on the line within an hour.

  Logging on to check my emails, I see there is one from Julia. It had only arrived within the last fifteen minutes; she explains that the project there is running a little off track and that she would appreciate a call when possible over the next day or so. I lean back in the chair, taking my weight it reclines slightly; I curse Davis and his obvious incompetence. I’d left that job as idiot proof as possible, he had been there less than a week and had seemingly managed to side-step the ultimate goal and deadline.

  I reply to her, explaining it will be Monday or possibly Tuesday London time before I’m going to be able to get in touch with her outside of an email conversation. I was going to have to schedule an out of hour’s conference call to ensure I’m reaching Julia during business hours, all because of some little twat who couldn’t follow my fucking instructions.

  Everything felt like it was again turning to shit, hemorrhaging out of control and I was absolutely powerless to stem the bleeding.

  By the lunchtime deadline, Lily had managed to confirm that the system reinstall would be going ahead in the afternoon, and would bring us back to where I had left the project before I left London. Which meant Monday would be full of final analysis checks and we would be able to start with the implementation for the internal systems and the remarketing proposal, which is what my job was all about and the reason I was at Margison at all.

  “Harry, it’s Nash. I need you and Isaac to clear your schedule for Monday and Tuesday and be here bright and early before the software is installed on the servers here. Lily will be here to run final security checks. The board is meeting within an hour so I need to have some good news for them.”

  “Yeah mate, we can make that happen. How does 8 am work?” I appreciated the no-fuss tact of Harry, he’d always managed to keep a cool head in any situation and it had been that way for as long as I had been dealing with him. His relaxed attitude had been the reason I had requested to work with him on so many occasions in the past.

  “Yep, that sounds good. I’ll update John now. Thanks, Harry.”

  I spend a lot of time over the weekend in the gym, trying to work out the stress of the week and the frustration that is caused by the plaguing thoughts of Beth. I hadn’t heard from her again and I hadn’t attempted to contact her either.

  Finally, the message had been received loud and clear, she wasn’t interested in me in the same way I wanted her and that was just something that I will have to deal with and move on from.

  The distance, both geographical and emotional, should make it easier this time.

  Sunday afternoon I get a call from an unknown number, my heart beats a little faster.

  “Nash Gibson.” I bark, greeting the unknown caller.

  “Mashy Tato!

  “Tori, is that you?” My little sister is the only one who has ever called me by that nickname and gotten away with it.

  “Hey brother, guess where I am?”

  “You better not say jail. Please don’t tell me you’re in jail, Tori.”

  She laughs, “No, I’m on my way to London, like as we speak. I will be there tomorrow.”

  “That’s great; we should catch up for a meal while you’re here.”

  “I was ah,” Her voice carries away, falling low, “Kinda hoping you might even have a room for me?”

  “Yes, of course. I’ll let the doorman know you’re coming and he’ll be able to let you in when you get here.”

  “Thank you Mashy, I’m so excited to see my big brother again.”

  After the call with Tori, I check the guest rooms to make sure they would be ready for when she arrived. I order some food for delivery too, and speak to the housekeeper to let her know Tori could be here when she arrives to clean. My little sister and her antics might just be the welcome distraction I need right now.

  Until the late hours of Sunday, I spend in the home office, working on charts and reviewing results so that before the end of the week Harry and Isaac can present to the board an action plan focusing on the key components of retraining their staff as well as the handover of the new system.

  I crawl into bed after midnight, it occurs to me that as I am falling asleep Beth is probably just starting her workday. I wish I had the balls to call her, even if it was just to hear her voice while she told me to fuck off.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Beth

  After a weekend of lounging around the house, and watching countless movies from the couch I don’t feel even marginally better, Gretna had come around and brought soup, cooing over me, trying to make me feel more comfortable and fussing over me.

  I felt terrible that I was glad she had left.

  I was content being miserable on my own, and I didn’t want any sympathy or company. By Monday I was over myself, returning to work was going to be a welcome distraction if I could manage to make it through the day.

  The day had run as a regular day, by lunchtime I was across the road getting Julia and Angus coffee, again, I had forgone coffee for myself and had detested having to fetch the drinks for the other two, the aroma of coffee had my stomach turning and I was becoming increasingly irritated with the mundane task.

  Upon returning to the office the phone was ringing unanswered while Julia and Angus sat chatting and laughing in her office apparently oblivious to the incoming call, trying to juggle my bag, their two cups and answer the phone I was reaching my limit of patience.

  “Standford and Miller, Julia Curtis’s office. This is Bethany.”

  “Beth?”

  “Yes. May I help you?”

  “I was hoping I could speak to Julia.”

  “I am sorry, Ms. Curtis is unavailable. May I take a message?”

  “Beth, she is expecting my call.”

  “I am sorry Sir, she has not requested any interruptions, and is currently unavailable.”

  “Sweetheart, I have to insist you put me through if she is in there with Angus, I can assure you she won’t mind the interruption.” Holy fuck, it was Nash, the realization set my pulse to gallop and the flush of skin to creep along my neck to caress my cheeks. His voice. How I had missed it. I was practically swooning.

  “May I ask who is calling, and I will see what I can do for you.”

  I hear him curse under his breath, but after pausing for a second he returns to the professional manner I would have expected of any contractor. “Nash Gibson.”

  “Please hold.”

  Dumping my bag in the chair I enter Julia’s office with the two drinks and advise her that Nash is on the phone. Julia thanks me before I turn and leave the room.

  I get back to my desk and realise that my hands are actually shaking. Julia’s laughter carried from the other room, her high pitched, forced and loud laughter carries to my desk. I narrow my eyes at the back of her head before taking a deep breath and slowly counting to ten as I exhale.

  On the bus ride home I call Gretna, I still feel bad about the way I behaved over the weekend, especially when she was only trying to help.

  “Hi, Beth.

  “Hi, Toots, how are you?” I try to be upbeat when she answers. To my own ears, I fail miserably.

  “I’m so tired, Ella kept me up all night, but enough of that, how are you?”

  “I’m riddled with guilt, to be honest, I owe you an apology for the way I acted, so can I please take you out for dinner later in the week? Maybe Thursday?”

  “You don’t need to apologise to me Beth, but dinner sounds good too. I need some adult girl time.”

  Out of nowhere, the tears come, I’m sitting on the bus and there are people watching me cry, it would have to be one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.


  “Beth, you don’t sound okay. Please tell me what is going on.”

  “It’s nothing. I think I’m just still trying to shake this bug and maybe just need an early night.” I can’t bring myself to tell her about the way I had treated Nash over the weekend as well. How ironic that it is now me who has become the arsehole. “I’ll text you the details, see you Thursday.”

  “Okay, love you.”

  “Love you too.” Her voice is soft and filled with concern, only making the tears flow rivers.

  When I get home I pull on Nash’s t-shirt and shorts and curl up in a blanket on the couch. I flick through the channels with nothing really grabbing my attention. I just press the button while the TV scrolls, landing on something but not even registering what is showing on the screen, just a multi-coloured blur.

  After a while of being unable to focus, I flick off the TV, making my way to the kitchen only to open the fridge door and stare blankly inside, even thinking of food turns my stomach.

  Defeated, I run a bath, set a playlist and flip through a glossy magazine in the bubbles and warm water.

  Soaking in the warm water reminds me of Nash, which directly reminds me of how I acted toward him during our last conversation. He didn’t deserve my hostility; he’d done nothing to warrant my lashing out at him, what is wrong with me lately? Irritable, unfocused and so sensitive. Crying at the drop of a hat! That’s not me. Like ever.

  I close my eyes and listen only for the sounds of Norah Jones playing softly in the living room. Her voice is soothing, the music like a balm to ease my soul.

  The drop of temperature in the bathtub wakes me, I must have been in there a while for the water to go from hot to lukewarm. Climbing out I was shivering, it was stupid to fall asleep, and I ache more now than when I stepped into the tub. Twisting the shower taps I step under the spray hoping the water would warm me up enough before drying off and climbing straight into bed.

  The illumination of the phone screen catches my attention as I dry off, I had either missed a call or received a text message, I had a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe Nash had reached out to me.

  Gretna: Beth, Are you okay? Like really okay?

  Beth: I’m fine.

  Gretna: Should I come around?

  Beth: For what? I said I am fine. I’m just going to get into bed and sleep. Thank you for thinking of me, but really I am okay.

  She would know I wasn’t being completely honest, because I’m not the sort of person to cry in public, and the guilt twisted in my stomach that she was only looking out for me. I hoped she could understand that I didn’t want company or a fuss and that I genuinely wanted to just crawl up and go to sleep for a while.

  Gretna: You will call me if you need anything won’t you?

  Beth: Of course. But thank you.

  Gretna: See you Thursday.

  By Thursday I had begun to improve, I had been able to stomach some things, as long as they weren’t dairy, or had an over-powering aroma, I hadn’t been near Cuppa Joe’s all week, worried I would run the risk of vomiting all over my shoes if I even got a hint of coffee beans, which also meant Julia and Angus had to go get their own coffee, much to their disgust.

  Pulling up at the new restaurant we’d agreed to try, I see Gretna standing at the curb waiting for me, and she was kind of looking nervous. The tension on her forehead eases as she sees me climbing from the taxi.

  “Hiya, Toots.” I hug her and plant a kiss on her cheek. “You look worried.”

  “I just wasn’t sure I had the right place, and it’s not exactly somewhere we would normally go, if you know what I mean.”

  There were people milling everywhere and it wasn’t exactly a friendly part of town, it was an area for development, and Gretna was right, it wasn’t somewhere we would normally go. Definitely not somewhere we would go on our own at least.

  Inside, the maître’d cannot find our reservation. I was growing increasingly impatient and on the verge of tears again for the third time today. “What do you mean you don’t have a table for us! I called on Tuesday and booked it. Bethany Spencer. Check again.” I snapped.

  “I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t know what to tell you, someone has not recorded your request, and we don’t have a table for you right now. We have a table available at 8.30 but that is the earliest we can accommodate without a valid booking.”

  “Are you kidding? That is over two hours away.”

  Gretna places her hand on my arm. “Beth, let’s just go somewhere else.”

  “Yeah okay.” I give the maitre’d one more look before we left, one that had his head exploding in my imagination. He should know that this situation was not acceptable. Not by a long shot.

  “Beth, I want you to know I love you, and that I am worried about you because I have noticed you have not been yourself lately. Is there something going on that you want to talk about?” We’re standing on the curb outside the restaurant that we didn’t have a reservation for and Gretna decides this is the time to get touchy-feely?

  I sigh, defeated, and my shoulders slump. “I’m late, Grets.” It has been on my mind all day, I was as regular as clockwork but today, I was late.

  “It’s okay, we will go somewhere else that doesn’t need a reservation, I know a good place that accepts walk in.” She raises her hand trying unsuccessfully to wave down a passing cab.

  “I don’t mean for dinner, Gretna.” I try to keep the impatience from my voice, without much success.

  “Huh?” I can see her watching me, confused, and then as if the cloud lifts, she understands what I mean. “Oh.” Her mouth forming a perfect o, her eyes wide in surprise.

  “I thought I had a cold, or maybe the flu, but the more I think of it now, the more I start to realise that I’m due and it hasn’t come. Never before have I ever been late in my life. Not once.”

  “It’s not a big deal, Beth, we’ll go to the supermarket and get a test, and then we’ll know. Okay?”

  I nod meekly. She grabs my hand and pulls me toward the taxi rank. I let her take control as she maneuvers us through the foot traffic. My shoulders sag and my feet feel heavy. Right now, my future is unknown, but as soon as we step into that car and it arrives at the supermarket, we are one step closer to sealing my fate.

  “Are you sure that you aren’t just late? Maybe a day or so out? I mean you’ve been under a lot of pressure at work and –,” I listen as her voice trails off, trying to rationalize the situation like I had done over a hundred times already today.

  “I’m sure.”

  We’d purchased multiple tests, different types with different methods of testing by different brands. The boxes were all lines up as if little soldiers, with their tests all protruding the bathroom vanity waiting for time to lapse. As each second ticked past, my heart grew louder in my ears.

  Gretna sat with me on the edge of the bath, clasping my hands in hers and together we watched the stopwatch on her phone as it counted the seconds as they passed.

  “No matter the results, Beth, we will be able to deal with it together, okay?”

  I can only nod.

  The timer goes off, and I am unable to move. “I can’t look.”

  “Okay, I can check for you?”

  Again, I only nod. Still clasping on my hands, she leans forward to checks the first test. She takes a deep breath and turns to me.

  “Negative.”

  “Really?” The word comes out barely a squeak. Picking up the strip she shows me. Relief floods me. “What about the others, Grets?”

  “Ah Beth,” She visible swallows, her eyes darting from the tests then back to me. “The other four say positive.”

  Oh god, I felt sick all over again. “But they could be a false positive right?”

  “Sure they could. It’s probable but I think the first one was a false negative. Let’s make a doctor appointment just to be sure. Okay? I can call them tomorrow if you like?”

  I can feel the colour has drained from my face. “I’ll do it, but thank yo
u.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No, it’s okay.” I didn’t need a doctor to confirm I was pregnant, I think I already knew.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Beth

  As soon as I’m dressed and walking to the bus stop in the morning I call my GP, I’d decided I needed an answer to the question that had kept me awake all night, was I pregnant with Nash’s baby?

  I had attempted to bargain with the Universe all night, if I got an answer from the doctor that something else was going on and I wasn’t actually pregnant I would start taking better care of my body, less late nights out, less hooking up with guys I hardly knew, less alcohol, and definitely more exercise. I would even join a gym, eat better and cut back on coffee.

  Plus, I would make more time to see my Mum and Dad, I hadn’t spent nearly as much time with them since David died as I should have been. I would make an effort to overlook their disappointment in me for the good of having a relationship with them.

  “Good morning, City Medical, Linda speaking.”

  “Hi Linda, this is Bethany Spencer, I ah, need an appointment with Doctor Sumner as soon as possible.”

  “Oh yes, just a regular appointment?”

  “It’s for a pregnancy test.”

  “Right, well Mrs. Spencer, we can get you in later this afternoon if you like?”

  She had referred to me as Mrs. And I didn’t correct her. Did single people not get pregnant these days?

  “That is fine, thank you, Lidia.”

  “Linda.” She corrected me, I knew I had called her by the wrong name, but so had she.

  “Pardon?”

  “My name is Linda, not Lidia.”

  “Oh yes, right. Sorry. See you this afternoon.”

  Checking the time, I now had six hours to over analysis everything about how my body was feeling, Google research the symptoms and plan the little celebration holiday in the Caribbean or somewhere else exotic when the results came back that I had some stage of infection and very glamorous bug invading my system that is causing my lack of appetite and will assist me with shedding another five kilos ready for a summer bikini body. That was my silver lining and I was clinging to it as if it were my only life raft.